Hurt
by lileigh760
Summary: A song one shot about Jude and her Dad


**This is kind of a crappy one shot that I wrote after I heard the Christina Aguilera song "hurt" which I love. I don't know how to do the whole song fic thing so this is my first attempt. Hope you at least like it a little lol.**

* * *

**Hurt**

I see the people wearing black and crying for you but I don't know who any of them are, I guess that in itself is a kind of slap in the face, I don't know who you are anymore and it's not your fault, it's mine. I can't remember the last time I saw you, or talked to you.

_**Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today  
**_

How could ten years pass so quickly? I was so mad about Yvette, so hurt and angry that I couldn't look past it and see that you were still my father. My selfish pride and stupidity got in the way of what we had. I remember the day you told me that you were still my biggest fan and it kills me because I know it was true and yet here we are.

_**  
I would hold you in my arms  
I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done  
Forgive all your mistakes**_

Taylor asks about you all the time, she wonders why we don't visit grampa anymore and I don't know what to tell her because I honestly don't know. I remember that day at the hospital when I was pregnant with her, you were getting another round of chemo and you told me how much you loved me and you wish you could be there when she was born, I told you that you would be, that she'd get to know her grampa.

_**There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To hear your voice again  
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there  
**_

It's too late now to go back and change the past, I know that yet I still feel the razor edges of guilt, and blame, and I know it's my fault, my fault that I'll never get to hear your voice again, that I didn't get to say goodbye.

_**  
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you**_

I used to yell at Tommy when I'd mess up, when I'd do something stupid that maybe if you hadn't left, and hadn't cheated on mom, maybe I wouldn't be the screw up that I was, that I would know how to make our marriage work and we wouldn't fight so much but it wasn't you, it was me.

_**  
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss  
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this**_

Days locked inside of my bedroom writing songs about how mad I was that you'd abandoned us, how everything was your fault could have been spent getting to know you again, letting you get to know your granddaughter but I was too selfish, and full of pride.

_**Would you tell me I was wrong?**_

I cry at night wondering if you blame me?

_**Would you help me understand?**_

If you were here could you explain it all away?

_**Are you looking down upon me?**_

Do you see what I do? Do you watch us and smile?

_**Are you proud of who I am?**_

Did I make the right decisions? Am I a good mother? A good wife?

_**There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes and see you looking back**_

When I wrote skin, I said that I looked into your eyes and I don't see mine, well I lied dad, I saw me and Sadie and even mom I just didn't want to understand and I didn't want to forgive you because it meant that you'd failed and that you fixed everything with a few words and promises, everything was ok.

_**I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself**_

It isn't all your fault and I know that now, I'm just sorry it took this long to understand.

_**If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that  
I've missed you since you've been away**_

I miss you everyday and I regret every second we spent apart, I hope you know that dad, I love you and I miss you so much.

_**Oh, it's dangerous  
It's so out of line to try to turn back time**_

I don't care though, I want to turn back time so you could be at Tommy and mines wedding, you could see Taylor born, be there when we announced that we were having a boy this time, I wanted you at Taylor's wedding, but I can't turn back time I just hope you know how much I do love you, and I'm sorry.

_**I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself**_

Now I know that when I hurt you, it only hurt me 10 times worse.

_**By hurting you**_


End file.
